Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
