im drinking this country out of the recession.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
