we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
