I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
