if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
