Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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