I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
