We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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