LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
