Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
