That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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