You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
