And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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