halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
why is half of my head shaved?
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