dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
