: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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