Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
