You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
