I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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