speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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