Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
