I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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