I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
