Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
