Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
