R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think a kid would responsible me up
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
