Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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