my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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