I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
