also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
