Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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