My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
