The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
