Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
