I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
