I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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