fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
