My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
