you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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