like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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