based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
