O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
two words: eviction party
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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