Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and she was petting her beer can
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
