Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
