I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
