Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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