I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
