two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
