meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
