Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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