and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
