I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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