Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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