i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
