I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
