So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
